Turkey and Tantrums

I told him to stop screaming in the house. Annnddddd he's broken. Whoops, my bad. Thanksgiving just wouldn't be complete without a total little monster breakdown, now, would it?

Hope everyone had a great holiday and no longer fits into their pants.

This Parenting Thing

Yup, I think this sums it up nicely today. 

Saturday Morning Motivation

Little monster woke up at 5:45 a.m. I told him not to get up until the sun came up. HAHA yeah, right.

It's now 9:23 a.m. and he's going strong, jumping around on the couch while I'm on my second cup of coffee. We are still working on potty training, but monster refuses to poop in the potty. I need to change his pull up. Gross. The dog needs a bath. I want to go the indoor farmer's market from 10-noon this morning, but I really need to shower first. We need to bring leaves to a local farm stand for their chickens.

And I'm just laying in the recliner like

Now I don't have the energy to do anything. Blergh.

PS - Little monster is arguing with me that he DID, in fact, poop in the potty. Dude, the load in your pants indicates otherwise. Toddler logic.

Thankful to be Blessed or Something Like That

Every year for the past few years we sit and watch our social media newsfeed flood with daily thankful posts.  Is it just us or are these effing annoying?  Are those of you who do these only thankful in November?  Why don't you feel the need to express your thankfulness and gratitude the rest of the year?  We won't post on Facebook and join the masses but here is our take on top 25 things I am thankful for...

I am THANKFUL for:

1. Tampons - honestly without them the whole world would be a bloody mess!
2. Condoms and birth control - because some people just should NOT reproduce.
3. Inspirational quotes and photos like the above - Don't the leaves give it SO MUCH more meaning?  I mean I wouldn't be able to express my feelings without something like this!
4. Memes. Without them, how would I be able to properly express myself? Words? No pictures?
5. Facebook, for reminding me how smart I am and how dumb most of my 'friends' are (and racist, and xenophobic, and bigoted, and HOLY SHIT PEOPLE)
6. What number are we on?
7. Ugh
8. Yeah, so, about that 25...
9. Alcohol. Any of it. All of it
10. PIZZA.  It never lets you down.  It always delivers.  It doesn't talk back. It is good warm or cold.  Always satisfying.  Good plain or with toppings.  Pizza doesn’t cheat on you, it doesn’t lie.  Pizza is always there for you when you are drunk or sober. 
11. My significant other for walking the dog, taking care of the kid... HAHA JUST KIDDING. Why the effff do you have to give your partner a special call out for doing the things they should be doing anyway? I want a fricken medal for the shit I do every day that no one thanks me for. You know, for being an adult. If we're going to push for equality, stop acting like your S.O. doing the basic things any parent/adult should do is a hashtag BIGDEAL.
12. Benadryl...it means EVERYONE in the house gets a full night of sleep.
13. Vague thing I'm thankful for, with even more vague follow up comment, so people will ask 'what's wrong?'
14. Autocorrect - For always keeping my on my ties and making me look like a ducking iceberg.
15. That this is our own person blog so we don't have to do numbers 15-25. You can't make us!

I Am Easily Amused

Amy and I have been discussing starting a blog for a while. We text every day, about anything, everything, and nothing. I decided to go through our chats to find the various blog post ideas we've brainstormed. For whatever reason - lack of coffee, lack of sleep, the maturity of a 12-year-old, this listing of chats cracked me right up. I need an I.V. of coffee, STAT.

Apparently I also need to clean my computer screen. Gross.

TBT: Semantics

Amy and I have decided to do our own version of Throwback Thursday. We'll recount older stories of our spawn and feelings we had related to pregnancy, childbirth, and parenting.

Today, I throwback to approximately a year or so ago, when I had the following exchange with Teenager (who was not yet a teenager) G.

____________________________________________________

Me: G, please take your clothes out of the washing machine and put them in the dryer.

G: Okay (goes downstairs and does that).

Me, a little while later: Okay, are your clothes done in the dryer? You should take them out and fold them and put them away.

G (blank look): What do you mean? They're still wet.

Me: WHAT? WHY? Didn't you put them in the dryer?

G: Yes.

Me (slowly realizing what happenend): G, did you... turn the dryer on?

G: No, you said to put my clothes in the dryer. You didn't say to turn it on.

Me: *HEAD EXPLODES*

Mom Brain

I had an awesome idea for a blog post...

andddd it's gone.

There is No One Here by the Name "Mom"

I have two boys, ages 3 and 13. I also have migraines. Those things may or may not be related. But I digress. I take medicine daily to prevent them (the migraines; the BC I'm on should prevent more spawn). However, I do occasionally get what is known as a 'breakthrough' migraine. When that happens, nothing touches it. About the only thing I can do is lie down and wait for it to pass.

Baby L and Teenage G, however, have decided that is not always possible. Though I lay in the living room where they are, and ask G to get his brother a snack if L asks, or play with him, well, that cramps Teenage G's teenage style of sitting around. So, this is how I wish those afternoons could go, more or less:

Credit to JimBenton.com

Eat ALL the Food, or How I Got My Winter Bod Back

I have a theory regarding weight loss.
The overall mass of people on the earth doesn't change. It just shifts from one person to another.
Related, to my friends who keep losing weight - STOP IT; I KEEP FINDING THAT SHIT. God. *sobs into M&M cookie*

Dafuk

Can anyone else relate to this convo?  

Baby L and I seem to have it on the regular...

Sometimes he likes to use other words - like dammit and shit.

I don't know where he gets it from!

Children's Toys

Grandparents, Uncles, Aunts, Cousins, God-parents, Friend, et. all... Please keep this in mind because payback is a BITCH when you start pushing kids out...Just saying.