When Life Gives You Lemons...

I recommend using rum over vodka.Il Limoncello dell’Æolia
1 L of Good Rum or Vodka Dry
5 Lemons
5 tablespoons of sugar cane
5 tablespoons granulated sugar

In a large bowl, whisk the sugar with 1/2 the liquor chosen until well incorporated. 

Zest lemons using a microplane and set aside.   

Squeeze the lemons and add the juice to the liquor and the dissolved sugar, add the lemon zest and the remainder of the liquor and let marinate at least 2 hours. 

Filter through a fine mesh sieve and put in the freezer to cool and serve cold.

Sausage and Black Bean Soup

I started making this hearty soup in the wintertime when we lived in Italy.  I love the simplicity of it while still having a fulfilling meal. You can use canned black beans and smoked sausage, such as andouille or Polish kielbasa.

I like to take one can of the beans and blend it with part of the stock to make the soup thicker.  Also, my husband is not a lover of beans so pureeing some and only keeping some whole make it smoother.  Of course you can make it a “brothier” soup by not blending the beans or even thicker by pureeing all of the beans – it is all about personal preference.

Prep: 10 mins
Cook: 35 mins
Serves: 4-6

2 teaspoons extra-virgin olive oil
1 pound kielbasa or other smoked sausage such as andouille, cut into 1-inch pieces
4 medium carrots, small dice
2 shallots, small dice
2 leaks, sliced
2 garlic cloves, minced
2 cans (15.5 ounces each) organic black beans, rinsed and drained
2 cups chicken broth
Salt and ground pepper, to taste

In a large cast iron or soup pot, heat oil over medium-high. Add sausage and cook until browned on all sides, about 10 minutes. Transfer to a plate to drain.

Add carrots, shallots and leaks to pan and cook until beginning to soften, about 5 minutes.  Add garlic and cook about 1 minute. Add 1 can of black beans and broth and bring mixture to a boil.

In a blender add the remaining can of beans and ladle in about ½ cup of soup mixture.  Puree until smooth.

Add the pureed beans back to soup and then add sausage, reduce heat to simmer, and cook until carrots are tender, about 13-15 minutes.  Season with salt and pepper.

Muffins

Yes this is a mom blog; however, this is not a post about any of our precious little crotch muffins. It is a banana muffin recipe post goddammit. 

Banana muffins are a staple in this house.  It is the easiest way to use bananas when they become over-ripe - and an easy breakfast or snack.  I have been making these for a while now and when I do they certainly do not last long.

Added bonus is these are gluten-free!

Some mix-ins you can add - Chocolate chips, chopped nuts, peanut butter chips, etc.

I prefer to warm up the muffin and top with a schmear of natural peanut butter. 

Banana Muffins

Prep: 10 mins
Bake: 16-18 mins
Yield: 12 muffins

3 or 4 Large bananas, mashed
1/2 cup cane sugar
1 slightly beaten egg
1/3 cup melted butter
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 ½ cups almond flour
½ cup oat flour or brown rice flour
¼ cup flaxmeal

Preheat oven to 350 degrees and prepare muffin tins with liners or grease.  

Mix the mashed banana, sugar, egg and butter together. Set aside. 

In a separate bowl, mix together baking soda, baking powder, salt, flours, and flaxmeal. 

Mix dry ingredients into wet ingredients. Pour into prepared muffin tins.  

Bake for 16-18 minutes or until a toothpick comes out clean.

*These are much more flavorful the next day, and they freeze very nicely too!

Bah Humbug, Sort Of, or What I Want for Christmas

'Tis the season for shopping, wrapping, and one-upping. Everyone is trying to out-do one another. We get it, you secretly think you're a professional decorator and better than that mom you're kinda/sorta friends with. But, like, why do everyone's decorations look they are out of a magazine this year? Don't people have work and kids and pets and stuff? Well, here's mine, as of this moment. I think they are amazing.

Speaking of keeping up with the Joneses, almost time for ridiculous Elf on a Shelf posts. God, I hate that thing. If I was a kid, I would be so creeped out by an inanimate object that came to life at night. When I was younger, if dolls came to life, they killed you and everyone in your family (see: Chucky from the "Child's Play" movies). And, lest you think my hatred is a recent development, check this status update from last year. I'm nothing if not consistent.

Despite what you might think, I really do love Christmas. I'm not even railing against the commercialism or consumerism, per se. It's just become yet another excuse for people to compete with their 'friends' about stupid shit by pretending their life is perfect on social media. Look, we all know it isn't, okay? That's part of the reason Amy and I started this blog. We know the kids aren't snuggled in bed (they won't go to fucking sleep), the stockings aren't hung by the chimney with care (because thing two tried to flush one), and momma is not in her kerchief settled in for a long's winter nap (BECAUSE THE KIDS WON'T GO TO FUCKING SLEEP, OMG). And we know this because we know you, and because humans are infallible, and because kids are selfish jerks sometimes. It's our job to raise them to not be selfish jerks (which some people REALLY suck at, but that's a blog post for a different day...).

So, all this to say, what I really want for Christmas this year is for people to stop photoshopping their lives. Be more real and authentic about who you are, and how you live your life. And yes, if you like Elf on a Shelf, knock yourself out (watch out he doesn't). But my point is don't do it because you need to be better than Sally Smith with HER kids and post every god damn picture of it on Facebook, ya know?

PS - In regards to photoshopping my life, I am still going to airbrush my zits out of pictures, though. Adult acne sucks, so bite me.

Turkey and Tantrums

I told him to stop screaming in the house. Annnddddd he's broken. Whoops, my bad. Thanksgiving just wouldn't be complete without a total little monster breakdown, now, would it?

Hope everyone had a great holiday and no longer fits into their pants.

This Parenting Thing

Yup, I think this sums it up nicely today. 

Saturday Morning Motivation

Little monster woke up at 5:45 a.m. I told him not to get up until the sun came up. HAHA yeah, right.

It's now 9:23 a.m. and he's going strong, jumping around on the couch while I'm on my second cup of coffee. We are still working on potty training, but monster refuses to poop in the potty. I need to change his pull up. Gross. The dog needs a bath. I want to go the indoor farmer's market from 10-noon this morning, but I really need to shower first. We need to bring leaves to a local farm stand for their chickens.

And I'm just laying in the recliner like

Now I don't have the energy to do anything. Blergh.

PS - Little monster is arguing with me that he DID, in fact, poop in the potty. Dude, the load in your pants indicates otherwise. Toddler logic.

Thankful to be Blessed or Something Like That

Every year for the past few years we sit and watch our social media newsfeed flood with daily thankful posts.  Is it just us or are these effing annoying?  Are those of you who do these only thankful in November?  Why don't you feel the need to express your thankfulness and gratitude the rest of the year?  We won't post on Facebook and join the masses but here is our take on top 25 things I am thankful for...

I am THANKFUL for:

1. Tampons - honestly without them the whole world would be a bloody mess!
2. Condoms and birth control - because some people just should NOT reproduce.
3. Inspirational quotes and photos like the above - Don't the leaves give it SO MUCH more meaning?  I mean I wouldn't be able to express my feelings without something like this!
4. Memes. Without them, how would I be able to properly express myself? Words? No pictures?
5. Facebook, for reminding me how smart I am and how dumb most of my 'friends' are (and racist, and xenophobic, and bigoted, and HOLY SHIT PEOPLE)
6. What number are we on?
7. Ugh
8. Yeah, so, about that 25...
9. Alcohol. Any of it. All of it
10. PIZZA.  It never lets you down.  It always delivers.  It doesn't talk back. It is good warm or cold.  Always satisfying.  Good plain or with toppings.  Pizza doesn’t cheat on you, it doesn’t lie.  Pizza is always there for you when you are drunk or sober. 
11. My significant other for walking the dog, taking care of the kid... HAHA JUST KIDDING. Why the effff do you have to give your partner a special call out for doing the things they should be doing anyway? I want a fricken medal for the shit I do every day that no one thanks me for. You know, for being an adult. If we're going to push for equality, stop acting like your S.O. doing the basic things any parent/adult should do is a hashtag BIGDEAL.
12. Benadryl...it means EVERYONE in the house gets a full night of sleep.
13. Vague thing I'm thankful for, with even more vague follow up comment, so people will ask 'what's wrong?'
14. Autocorrect - For always keeping my on my ties and making me look like a ducking iceberg.
15. That this is our own person blog so we don't have to do numbers 15-25. You can't make us!

I Am Easily Amused

Amy and I have been discussing starting a blog for a while. We text every day, about anything, everything, and nothing. I decided to go through our chats to find the various blog post ideas we've brainstormed. For whatever reason - lack of coffee, lack of sleep, the maturity of a 12-year-old, this listing of chats cracked me right up. I need an I.V. of coffee, STAT.

Apparently I also need to clean my computer screen. Gross.

TBT: Semantics

Amy and I have decided to do our own version of Throwback Thursday. We'll recount older stories of our spawn and feelings we had related to pregnancy, childbirth, and parenting.

Today, I throwback to approximately a year or so ago, when I had the following exchange with Teenager (who was not yet a teenager) G.

____________________________________________________

Me: G, please take your clothes out of the washing machine and put them in the dryer.

G: Okay (goes downstairs and does that).

Me, a little while later: Okay, are your clothes done in the dryer? You should take them out and fold them and put them away.

G (blank look): What do you mean? They're still wet.

Me: WHAT? WHY? Didn't you put them in the dryer?

G: Yes.

Me (slowly realizing what happenend): G, did you... turn the dryer on?

G: No, you said to put my clothes in the dryer. You didn't say to turn it on.

Me: *HEAD EXPLODES*

Mom Brain

I had an awesome idea for a blog post...

andddd it's gone.

There is No One Here by the Name "Mom"

I have two boys, ages 3 and 13. I also have migraines. Those things may or may not be related. But I digress. I take medicine daily to prevent them (the migraines; the BC I'm on should prevent more spawn). However, I do occasionally get what is known as a 'breakthrough' migraine. When that happens, nothing touches it. About the only thing I can do is lie down and wait for it to pass.

Baby L and Teenage G, however, have decided that is not always possible. Though I lay in the living room where they are, and ask G to get his brother a snack if L asks, or play with him, well, that cramps Teenage G's teenage style of sitting around. So, this is how I wish those afternoons could go, more or less:

Credit to JimBenton.com

Eat ALL the Food, or How I Got My Winter Bod Back

I have a theory regarding weight loss.
The overall mass of people on the earth doesn't change. It just shifts from one person to another.
Related, to my friends who keep losing weight - STOP IT; I KEEP FINDING THAT SHIT. God. *sobs into M&M cookie*

Dafuk

Can anyone else relate to this convo?  

Baby L and I seem to have it on the regular...

Sometimes he likes to use other words - like dammit and shit.

I don't know where he gets it from!

Children's Toys

Grandparents, Uncles, Aunts, Cousins, God-parents, Friend, et. all... Please keep this in mind because payback is a BITCH when you start pushing kids out...Just saying.